remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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