In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
