I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
