I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
