i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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