so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
