Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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