My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
