she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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