This girl is more easily done than said...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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