I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Randomize
