you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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