i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
