what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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