party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
