How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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