Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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