I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
