it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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