Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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