Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
