Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
