I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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