Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
