it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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