You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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