Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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