there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
