How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
