I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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