i was born a porn star she said
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
