all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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