my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
