Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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