(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
