U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
