And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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