We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
