dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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