I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
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