operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
So many bounce houses so little time
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
