you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
