so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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