After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize