Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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