I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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