The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
