he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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