i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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