I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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