I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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