Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
