she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
