Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
