everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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