sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
