was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
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So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
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I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
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