I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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