Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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