I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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