So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
