You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
