Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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